Whipping Post?

In school, I had friends that picked on me on one hand then stuck up for me on the other. This post is about two in particular. Friend 1 often insulted my intelligence through "jokes" and Friend 2 seemed to find pleasure in convincing me of whatever thing she chose to come up with, i.e., she convinced me a girl we knew was gay, who in fact wasn't, and then she told me about dreams she had even crying while telling me about them only to later admit that she had been lying. Friend 1 tried to get me to try drugs and Friend 2 used a guilt trip to keep me from trying drugs. Friend 2 used to pick fights (arguments) with me just for the sake of arguing and many, many years later she said she was jealous of me (which may have been why she picked fights with me in the first place). Ironically, I felt jealous of her story telling ability and she was more "endowed" that I was until much, much later in life. Friend 2 also recognized that I was extremely depressed and convinced me to seek help from a intuitive, fantastic teacher (RIP). I hung out with both friends and if you couldn't tell by the way I have been speaking of them both, they hated each other. I felt stuck int he middle all the time. I may have been naive about a lot of things and oh so many jokes went over my head (nicknamed Prude for a reason by Friend 1)) but I saw each of those girls as my friends, not because of how they treated me but I felt they were both damaged and hurting as I was, and I felt being there for them was more important that any meanness they produced intentionally or not. So, when another friend from high school, that I reconnected with as an adult, told me he saw me as a "whipping post" for those girls, I felt offended. Being naive doesn't mean stupid and I made a conscious choice to remain friends with both girls to spite their short comings because I felt that is what friends do. However, I realized later in life that mutual respect in a relationship, whether friends or significant others, is most important but I have always had to learn those lessons the hard way. So, my mistake was putting their needs in front of my own, but that doesn't mean I was anyone's whipping post.

Communication blunders...

I have been adding people to my facebook friends list who may have gone to school with me, or at the least went to the same school...Colton is a very small town...so I often recognize a family name but end up talking to the youngest in the family, much younger than I, or to someone's kids or cousins, etc. It's rather entertaining usually. Recently, several people have sent me emails asking me how I know them so I explain, as I said above, their last name seemed familar and I was just looking for people who went to the same school, Colton. One person I didn't hear back from yet and the other wrote back right away. I don't know why but simple conversations seem to take a wrong turn for me and I end up losing or wishing to start over with the new contact. I will have to examine what it is about my verbage that leads things astray. It seems my old ways of communicating are almost history. It is troublesome because I want to make acquaintances, then possibly friends, but no more than that because I love being single and because I am a woman of faith. I recently asked an old friend whom I had some communication issues with quite some time ago, what he thought it was about me that causes me to end up in predicaments. And his face seemed to flush a bit when he said, you're a really good listener. I think it is more than that, sometimes I speak too openly and frankly. I thanked him for his input and we went on to enjoy a wonderful lunch. Another old friend has told me that being a guy, he knows that guys are pigs and that I should be careful. I believe he thinks I am still naive or at least too trusting, which may have some merit. In any case, I plan to be more diligent about my use of words when communicating, after all, it is always via email or text so it's not like I don't have time to think about what I am saying and how it might be construed. Double entendres can be fun when you know someone well and have a pretty good idea how it might be taken but not with new contacts as it seems what I have said is almost always taken in a risque' manner. Again, really giving thought to what I am saying before I type has become a mission of mine.